Testimony Series - Episode 1

"After being a Christian for 35 years, my life was in shambles because of sin, but when I called on the name of Yahovah and decided to have faith in him alone, things completely turned around for me.

In my past, I truly was no angel.  I wore a smile on my face out in public but at night when I went home and was all alone.  Many times I cried myself to sleep only to wake up in the middle of the night wondering if God was going to judge me and strike me dead for everything I had done with my life.

My conscience convicted me of my self destructive ways. I did not need anyone to tell me how rotten I was, I knew I was not living right, though I thought because I was a Christian, I could sin today and repent tomorrow. After all I was “ Under Grace”.  The question in my mind was, If grace covered me and I was forgiven, then why were so many things in my my life going wrong? Why did I not have peace, the kind of peace and victory experienced by the apostles and prophets, of old?

There were several times I came very, very close to ending it all. Sin caused so many circumstances which could have been avoided if only I repented, turning away from the selfish careless lifestyle I was living.

One day while in a deep depressive state, I actually began planning to commit suicide. I thought it would be the only way out of the pain I was experiencing. I felt empty and without hope. After returning home from work, my secret plan was to be carried out that night, however just before doing so, I prayed one last time, "God, if you can help me, please do it now, cause I just can't do this anymore. I confessed everything I did and ask him what HE wanted me to do. I told him I would do whatever it took if he would save me and relieve me of my pain. I no longer wanted this life of sin and was in desperate need of redemption. I then remember praying, “ I have been a Christian for over 30 years. I listened to the pastor and have been a good Christian girl, Why is my life so empty, why don’t I have the victory and peace I read about in the scriptures? What am I doing wrong?  What did the believers do in the early church, in the days of Messiah? GOD...I Want The Truth!

After I prayed, I remember hearing in my heart, “Forgive everyone who hurt you, then release them”.  I remember saying out loud, “ YES, I WILL DO IT!” I began to weep while pouring out my heart to Abba. For the next two weeks, as the Holy Spirit brought to my memory those who deeply hurt me, I began to forgive and then release them from any debt I felt they owed me. Abba walked me through that very painful time, however I knew that If I did exactly what he asked of me, I would be healed.  At that time in my life, I also suffered from a sleep disorder. I could not sleep unless I took medication for depression, anxiety and a sleeping pill every night. I remember praying, “ Father, if you will hold me in your arms tonight when I go to bed, I know I will sleep without any medication”.  As a sign of my faith, I flushed every pill I took for depression, anxiety and sleeplessness away at once. The next morning, I woke up refreshed without having taken any medication for the first time in years. I knew Yahovah was with me, I knew I was free.

Something had changed in me, Joy began to fill my heart again. I no longer wanted to sit in dark places but loved the light!  As I began to pray for the truth that sets men free, Yahovah lead me to his Torah. I asked Father to show me anything I had learned that was wrong as a Christian and began to lead me to his truth. I walk in that very truth today, set free, filled with joy and peace.

Now I am blessed with sanity instead of depression and anxiety with constant sleepless nights. I am blessed with a peace I've never known before which is still beyond my understanding.

My mind is now clear from the horrible thoughts of suicide and dark thoughts of dread day after day. I can finally think straight and am in my right mind.  I turned from the way I was living before when I thought the answer to a better life would be found in a good relationship or being accepted or popular.

 Now a days, I share my testimony at every chance with whoever will listen. I tell them there is hope because I am a living witness to the power of Yahovah’s love. 

I pray one day I will be able to be used in the healing of others.  I believe that has already begun. As I am used in the healing of others, I get a front row seat in watching the love of Yahovah work in the lives of hurting souls just as he has in mine. Thanks for letting me share my testimony, I pray it will be greatly used to the glory of our loving Father, Yahovah who was and is and is to come."

Be the first to comment

All comments are moderated before being published