Hello all! Well, it's been a very demanding few weeks, but that's how life is. It's demanding. I remember telling a friend about a year or two ago that I recognized that I had been spoiled most of my life. I have never gone hungry due to lack; I didn't grow up poor; and I did just about everything that I thought I wanted to do. Even though my mother was widowed at a young age and I grew up without my Father, I can say that I lived a privileged life. A BLESSED life is a more accurate descriptor, however, this is not to say I haven't experienced troublesome times. When I spoke those words, it was a confession that I had no excuse not to walk in everything Father was calling me to do. Not long after I had that conversation, I went through one of the most trying times in my life. I'm still going through it, though it's not as intense as it was. It was almost as if a chapter in my life closed where I had lived a care-free life. The new chapter demanded that I live a life of awareness. A life of submission to His will. A life that involved dethroning Cassandra and putting the needs of others before my own. A life of maturing in my relationship with Him. That was not an easy pill to swallow for a spoiled woman and as Marcus stated in the teaching, every step feels like a fight.
As I alluded to earlier, it's been a demanding few weeks. I lost my Grandmother last week and my heart has been saddened with "should've/could've". When we moved back from Germany two months ago, I wanted to go and see her, but I never made it happen. My family and I were so tired from all the driving and flying and living out of a suitcase that we decided to put it off. If we had gone, it probably would've been the perfect time to see her because her condition rapidly worsened about a month ago. So now, I'm chasing away the "should've - could've" thoughts. The sad thing is that Father gave me a warning earlier this year. He put this on my heart - "too little, too late". At the time, I didn't think it was specific to any one thing, but this has made me look at it in an entire new way. What I'm getting now is that, time is not going to wait for Cassandra. How long is it going to take for you to humble yourself to Me? If I had listened to Him when He put on my heart a strong desire to go and visit my Grandmother, maybe I could have seen her one last time. Maybe I could have prayed with her and shared all the things Father has been doing in my life. Maybe I could have shared the same things with my cousins and Aunt, but see I thought I humble ENOUGH. I mean, this transformation takes time right? That was an excuse to continue doing what was familiar. Seems easy and comfortable at the time, but we all know that remaining the same brings so much heartache, pain, and disappointment.
Having a humble spirit is something that I've struggled with. The surprising thing is that I can be very humble depending on the environment. This is why it was hard to detect that I had a "humbleness" problem. I'm polite, courteous, and very respectful, but I have several areas where pride refuses to be deposed. I have recognized the pattern when it wants to creep back in and it's when I become tangled up with "the cares of this world"! Life can become one giant "to do list" and sometimes the next thing on the list becomes the most important thing. Before you know it, you're checking off boxes instead of being lead by Him. Missing opportunities to minister or be ministered to and all we can think about is "what do I have to do next?" Also having a spouse and/or children will just expose you all day long about what you're submitting to. Father has been urging me to address the need for me to have a humble spirit that doesn't disappear when I'm having a disagreement with my husband or when I have my mind set to do a certain thing, but He tells me I need to go in a different direction. Submission to Him is not situational. I have to hand it all over to YeHoVaH, my Father in heaven, and trust that His way is the right way. I have to humble myself to His revelations and DO them. Yeshua, take the wheel! So if you are struggling with a humble, meek, spirit; a spirit of meekness that permeates the entirety of your life, then walk with me and let's indulge ourselves with a slice of humble pie for breakfast. I guarantee a testimony of victory will follow this!